Christmas Time

I have been thinking about my best Christmas...I have many happy Christmas memories my precious children and their Christmas mornings, and I have memories of wonderful secret Christmas missions I have served on, but for me, personally, my best Christmas memory tonight was when I was 17, and dating my first husband, he bought me a Christmas tree I put up in my room and I felt that peaceful feeling you get when you re near a Christmas tree that feeling sitting in the glow of the lights, We went out and bought ornaments we got a beautiful three dimensional snow flake, and he got me a beautiful necklace, but the most fond memory I have is that little tree on the corner table of my corner group...good memories reurnn when the anger subsides...

What Rainbows say

I remember days so dark, and the only way I could smile my way through them was that my children needed to believe it was alright...They looked to me, and I was their mirror of what they should feel. so I made sure I was alright...darn sure...and when I was given a rare private moment, few and far between that first summer, I headed for the mountains, and always always always as I ascended that mountain road, I would come upon rainbow after rainbow saying to me I promise that there will not be a flood greater than you can withstand...and then I knew as hard as it was, i would survive the emmotional gush crashing over and around me...and there on the mountain road was born the faith that others find in their sanctuary of church and alter, my spirit hears inner lessons in the world, in stars and wind and earth, which if the church is his home , then he chooses to teach me in the yard.

Little Three Year old Girl

Little three year old girl all trust and love,
gruesome, violent, careless acts
she is so young she'll never yell.

Little three year old girl all dirty and spent,
crying, whining sucking her thumb
unseen and unclean, escapes in her pretend world to dwell.

Little three year old girl, who lives inside me.
still trapped and confused and frightened, locked away
where he can not reach her... she is safe, safe but not well.

Little three year old girl, wish I could"ve saved you from your fate,
no way back to help you, it is just memories now, a dark place
you are trapped forever in hell.

When Hope is Gone...

When I feel the wave of what I try so hard to ignore come crashing over me
When I think it is too hard to keep trying and keep hanging on
When I think I have no value to anyone
When it feels like my fingers are slipping off the one bare root I cling to

I see my children's faces, and I find someplace new to draw from...

RUN INTO THE WIND

I used to run...are you laughing...well I did I used to run, and I learned so much from the experience of running...

I learned about how we should work on spiritual things the way we work on physical things, that we are asked to pray and read scriptures and do good works to stay in shape, to work hard and be ready when we really need the strength, just the way that we train by runnonf for a marathon.

One day I was running...it was night, and the Spanish Fork wind was howling, and I was running right into it....it was shoving me back I coud feel my body straining against the blast...and I was so tired I wanted to stop...but I didnt want to be beat, I wanted to finish. Into my mind I thought about sin...how it was so like the wind...it pushes on you always, trying to hold you back, and if you push through, if you keep going even when you are tired, it will make you stronger...

That is what I learned from running...

THE BEST SPAGETTI EVER

I remember a day many years ago when I was facing probably the worst fear in my life...and I could not take care of it myself...I hate when I cant take care of it myself. I had to ask for help from my bishop, that was not as hard as it could have been, because he and his family were my friends...I called his wife on the phone, and with as much self control, I asked if she could get a message to her husband at work, that I had an emergency...that was all I said, she asked if I was ok, and I said I am working on it, I just really need to talk with your husband...she promised to get the message to her, and I was so grateful, because I knew she would do that...no doubt.

I got a call from her husband a few hours later and I explained my plight and begged his assistance. He told me he would try, I felt love and support. I was so blessed there in that ward, we really were a big family.

Around dinner time, there was a knock at my door, I hussled to the door, and there standing with a pot in her hand was my dear friend, Sandy, the bishop's wife, she looked at me and said...

"I have no idea what is going on, but I know you need something and I dont know how to help you so I brought you dinner..." She rushed off leaving me standing in my doorway with a warm dinner...

I didnt need dinner, but I did need loved. I needed to be seen and noticed, and that spagetti hit that spot...it hit me in the heart, and I knew that she loved me, and was thinking of me, and that was the best spagetti I have ever had...maybe the best gift...

We can change the life of another with a simple dinner...because it is not what we do, but that we reach out that makes the other person feel loved...

One of my favorite people...ELIZA