Exhausted

I am so entirely used up today...physically, emotionally and spiritually.

You can run faster than you are able...I am doing so much

2 jobs so I can save in case I have to do this alone and then I have the kids and their sports, I am babysitting Lauren's dog, have three dogs and a cat already...Kirsten has a tournament in Beaver and Christian has one in Hurricane. She had a practice in Cedar tonight and he had his play off and Championship game in baseball tonight...they won :) It is 1 AM and I am journaling and laundering and cleaning the floor of the garage. I am doing dishes...stuff you do when you get home from work...and I wish you didnt have to sleep...I am not getting the tired or the hungry mesages...K know that is not good.

I remember years ago taking the boys and Lauren to a magic show, with a friend and her children. I had driven through the fog to arrive in Santa Cruz, we got out and headed into the theatre...we had parked several blocks away as it was a popular event...I got all the kids in and seated and was settling in when a sick feeling settled in on me...the lights. Had I left them on? I tried to shove the concern away...I had no desire to go all the way back. an dI wan pretty sure I could not get back in once the show started...the lights...it nagged at me. I had to check. I asked my friend to watch the kids and I was going back to see about the lights...she looked worried...7n little kids is alot...two were toddlers...I told her I would be back fast. As I left the building, the woman at the door told me they would lock when the show started...I felt alittle sick as I knew my freind was not going to enjoy the circus act of managing all of the kids alone...I asked how long I had. 15 minutes...I darted out the door and started running. I knew the lights were on and I had no cables...I had to get them off...I had to get back. Had to take care of my friend, had to be there for my kids...HAD TO HAD TO HAD TO... I was in a dead run through the streets of Santa Cruz...I had to make great time or the doors might get shut and I would have all the cards fall...I rounded a corner and right in front of me loomed a huge puddle, I attempted to shift my direction...I was moving so fast, and changed directions so abruptly to avoid the puddle, I felt my balance fail me and I was tipping hard forward. I saw myself falling head long into a mud puddle, all in white...I thought as I flew through the air...how will I be able to get back into the magic show dripping and covered in mud...

Somehow I regained my footing...I slowed to a stop and caught my breath...I jogged the last few yards to the car...shut off the lights that were very much on, and turned to return to the kids. As I jogged back to the theatre I thought about the scripture that talks about not running faster than you are able...and made the parallel to my near miss with the puddle. I was running faster than I was able not only on that sidewalk, but through life...to fast and too much. I understood that God did not want me to be soaked and muddy...that was why he wanted me to slow down. Just like the real run...the figuritive run through life is best done at a managable pace...even when you feel that sense of urgency to do more...you need to take care of yourself or you will be a muddy mess...

Anyway. The story ends with a smiling woman at the door waiting for me to get back...I think she held it for me, because I had briefly explained my plight. I rushed in and sat back down with my kids...and I realized...I made it, and that woman at the door had helped me...and it all worked out. I need to pace myself...running to lights left on in my car, or running to keep up with my schedule...have to pace myself.