That day in San Francisco

It was right after the divorce, things were crazy, I was crazy. I was lost and trying like mad to find my footing again. While married to Bill I had not been a regular at church...it was hard for me to listen about forever families and temples when I was married to a man who thought God was like Santa Claus...I knew that there was no hope that I would have what the church wanted me to strive for, and sitting with 4 small children gave me spotty attendance.

When my friend Anne, and her husband wanted to give me the gift of a spiritual healing, I thought...how can anything with the word healing in it hurt. I had to give the kids over to Bill and his lover and those days were not easy for me. So a field trip with Annie, on that dreary day in the fall of 1991 seemed a good distraction.

We drove into a rather ordinary business district in the city. We parked outside the plain office space and Anne explained that this was kind of a religion. That they did healings for people who are stressed or having challenging times. She told me that it may seem foreign to me, but to give it a try. I was alittle apprehensive, but had been working with Pat Munson and felt like I could give it a try...no harm no foul. Most of these things were just silly...

We went in through the bottom floor doors, into a large open space with metal office chairs, mismatched sitting in a large circle in the center of the room. Small groups of people were huddled at the edges of the room. A few people occupied the chairs in the center of the room, they were paired off and appeared to be in private conversations.

A gentleman approached us and told me he would help me...so he proceeded to "heal" me. It was a silly thing...I dont remember anything about that first encounter. I do remember that the man appeared to be frightened, or uncomfortable with me or what he was doing...

He spoke with me for a few minutes...10 or 15, and then I thought we were done. My friend Anne walked with me as we headed towards the door, and she was acting as if the whole thing had been silly...we laughed hard and often together and I thought that the romp had been a good distraction, but not at all meaningful.

We approached the door when another gentleman approached us and stopped us as we were headed to the door. He looked at me and told me I was not healed, and that he wanted to work with me. I was sort of done, not real interested in any further encounter. I looked toward my friend, but it was awkward, this man wanted to help me and turning him down would have been awkward. I did posture that I was fine, but he was insistant.

My memory on the details of the actual ceremony they did are vague...but the outcome is clear as crystal...

I sat at the head of a circle, and he sat accross from me, around me to the right and left the others in the room sat in a circle...it was like a prayer type circle...the people around me were sitting with their eyes down hands in their laps. The man sitting accross from me started to speak with me, he spoke of many things...things that he may have been able to guess about me and my past...he was very insightful about me...then he started to speak of things that seems unlikely that he could have guessed at. I started to grow uncomfortable as he stared in my eyes and spoke to me about the pain and hurt from the past...I remember specifically a comment he made about organized religion and that my relationship with God was close and I did not require a regular church experience with this relationship...that hit me funny...it felt a bit dark, I continued to sit, more out of politeness than desire for more, I wanted to leave, was very uncomfortable...but something sat in my lap and held me to my chair...maybe it was the pressure of not wanting to hurt my friend's feelings, maybe peer pressure, whatever it was, it was heavy enough to hold me there.

The next step of the process was the healing, and there was a chant coming from around the circle...a low sort of sound of voices in unison...blowing roses Annie told me on the way home, this continued, and I dont have a single memory of what he was saying..I know he never touched me, but as the chanting happened I felt this tingling in the palms of my hands...and the sensation grew and grew...it felt like power flying through the palms of my hands...I felt as if I could use the power to lift myself off the floor if I pointed my hands towards the ground...I have never had such a sensation...and I could not deny that it was real, and very powerful, and that this place in a ground level building somewhere in San Francisco was not some silly place, but that some very real power was there....the energy slowly disipated and with it the weight that held me to the chair lifted and I made polite sounds and fled the room, and got in the car. Anne joined me a few minutes later...maybe seconds, I dont know because time was out of focus. I said little on the way home...certainly never told her what had happened in that seat, never told anyone really...til I told you all now...I know that the power there was real, I dont think it is clean, but it was real...I think I was dealing with the occult in the guise of a church...and it was very compelling. I believe I would have been swept that way if it had not been for my knowledge of false christs, and priests that lead the people astray...

The power of Heaven is real...and if that is real, then the power of Hell is real too...and can be very aluring and hypnotic...and does not manifest itself as a monster, but as a dove...

I know that there is a power beyond this earth that influences us...there is a Heaven, there is a Hell...there is a God and a devil and we are here to learn for ourselves what it is we want to have guide us through the eternities...